


The Road Home

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [111]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Beach Holidays, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, Polyamory, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 06:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14586624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: johnn: ok I know it just occurred to me but did anyone lock the door bc we deadass just came home last night, showered, and then went to bed entirely nakedlittle lion: you're laying on top of us, dick out, and you just Now think of this





	The Road Home

**johnn** : I can't wait to go home and art !!

 **johnn** : I have Many pictures of us at the beach that you don't know I took and I'm very excited to just !! paint and sketch and draw and !! immortalize all of you in ART

 **laf** : you're wild

 **little lion** : and also crushing my kidney Get Off It Please

 **johnn** : oOp sorry love

 **laf** : how are me and alex stuck with the majority of john's weight when hercules, the muscle husband who is literally solid af, just has his head like that's fair

 **laf** : but to be fair the feeling of a weight on me is nice

 **more like HUNKules** : I know I agreed to have sex on the beach with you and participated with aPT enthusiasm but my baCK and my le GS????? goodbye

 **little lion** : jsdJHJSDH I love you all

 **laf** : hercules ,,,, m y lovely

 **laf** : he's french now

 **more like HUNKules** : no, that is not what that means

 **laf** : the weight of john on us and the warmth of alex next to me and all the love is making me sleepy again

 **little lion** : n O we're going to the state park beach and I !! need !! you !! up !!

 **laf** : ughghhguhghghg but you're all so warm

 **little lion** : bUT the beach

 **laf** : uGH we wouldn't have to worry about getting up early and getting to the beach before we leave for a year if we juST got a beACH HOUSE

 **johnn** : ok I know it just occurred to me but did anyone lock the door bc we deadass just came home last night, showered, and then went to bed entirely naked

 **little lion** : you're laying on top of us, dick out, and you just Now think of this

 **johnn** : yes

 **more like HUNKules** : get back under the covers bc I'm not getting up

 **little lion** : we're !! all !! getting !! up !!

 **laf** : fine then you do it first

 **little lion** : I have a WHOLE MAN on top of me

 **johnn** : I'm getting up I'm cold

 **laf** : we can,,,tell

 **johnn** : ;^)

 **little lion** : oh I hate to see him go but I Love to watch him walk away

 **little lion** : john can I braid your hair

 **johnn** : !! ya

 **little lion** : yAS !! I love john

 **johnn** : I love you too !! come here

 **little lion** : !!

 **laf** : I need ten minutes with my hercules husband Alone

 **more like HUNKules** : are we sleeping

 **laf** : yes

 **more like HUNKules** : g o d bless we went to bed like three and a half hours ago this is garbage

 **laf** : lay on top of me please

 **more like HUNKules** : of course

\---

 **james** : I'm awake but I'm too tired to actually talk

 **james** : also I love you both so much

 **james** : my two franci

 **frances** : did you just pluralize us

 **james** : yes it will be easier this way

 **france eyes** : I love our little bf look at him he's in a sweater

 **james** : I don't want to go homE

 **frances** : okay now are you saying that in like a ""I love the beach I don't want to go home"" way or ""I don't want to go back to My Home" way

 **james** : both

 **france eyes** : my love

 **frances** : we're getting you a key to my house as soon as we get back if I haven't told you

 **frances** : I mean it when I say you can live at my house

 **frances** : NOT as a charity or anything, just !! because we want you to be safe !! and my door is always open

 **james** : will you really let me?? like !! actually !! bc

 **james** : bc I didn't tell you about this!! but yknow how my mom doesn't really talk to me !! she just texts me all the time if she needs something because all of my family hates me and wants me gone, but because they can't just Get rid of me, they make me their little maid or whatever the fuck

 **france eyes** : yeah

 **james** : weLL last night !! she !! texted me asking if I could get her a drink from the kitchen !! bc she didn't even !! notice I left the house a week ago!! and when I told her I was at the beach she called me and started screaming about how I never told her and how the minute I get home I would be in all this trouble but her trouble is always grounding me and then forgetting I exist

 **james** : sometimes there's hitting !!!!!!!!!!

 **frances** : you're moving in with me.

 **frances** : that is !! if doing that is nOT going to make your parents/family lose all their marbles and take it out on you in any way or like !! take legal action against us which would make me Seeing you,,,,illegal

 **james** : I !! really don't think they'd,,,,care,,,,,,I don't think they'd notice

 **james** : I want to ask,, but idk what I'm going to do if they say no

 **frances** : we'll figure something out, I promise

 **france eyes** : I'll help in any way I can

 **james** : I love you

 **frances** : we love you too!!

 **france eyes** : sO much!!

 **france eyes** : I wish I could do something !! more

 **james** : you just being here and loving me is enough

 **james** : also your support, which I appreciate more than you could know

 **frances** : we're goOOoonna cuddle you to death you cool w that??

 **james** : yes

 **france eyes** : aTTAcking

\---

 **laf** : hercules is cruSHING me I'm in heaven

 **johnn** : wAKE!! UP!!

 **laf** : ughhghghg ok

 **laf** : only so I can kiss you tho

 **johnn** : of course

\---

 **hugh uppercase** : your mother wants to know what the schedule is for today

 **hugh lowercase** : why can't she ask??

 **hugh uppercase** : she's busy

 **more like HUNKules** : clarify noW PLEASE YOU ARE IN THE LIVING ROOM

 **hugh uppercase** : NOT LIKE THAT

 **hugh uppercase** : she's knitting and doesn't want to put it all down when I'm right here and able to text you

 **more like HUNKules** : lord in heaven, thank you

 **more like HUNKules** : alsO!! adULT BREAKFAST, BREAKFAST FOR THE CHILDREN WHILE WE PACK THE COOLER, STATE PARK BEACH, COME BACK HERE AND SHOWER, GIFT SHOPPING, WE MAKE DINNER, SLEEP, THEN DRIVE HOME @@@APPROX TEN PM

 **more like HUNKules** : IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT I AM IN BED BY LIKE SEVEN SO I DONT DIE ON THE WAY HOME

 **more like HUNKules** : also maybe john, lafayette, and alex bc they help me sleep better,,,

 **hugh lowercase** : I'm

 **more like HUNKules** : I LI KE THEM OKAY

 **more like HUNKules** : THEYRE COOL OR WHATEVER

 **hugh uppercase** : out of all the things I thought I'd hear from my son one day in his life

 **hugh uppercase** : saying he ""likes"" his spouses was not one of them

 **more like HUNKules** : maybe if huGH JUNIOR didn't makE FUN OF ME and my loVE FOR MY SPOUSES through twO LETTER TEXT MESSAGES

 **hugh lowercase** : HDKJHSDKJHSJ

 **hugh lowercase** : ARE YOU AWAKE YET SO WE CAN START ON BREAKFAST AND BE OUT BY SEVEN

 **more like HUNKules** : yES ILL BE DOWN DAD AR E YOU HELPING

 **hugh uppercase** : I guess?? if I've been invited

 **hugh uppercase** : your mom is also coming

 **more like HUNKules** : woOO

\---

 **laf** : hercules love

 **more like HUNKules** : yes??

 **laf** : you forgot your shirt in here

 **more like HUNKules** : oH !! right !! I have goosebumps ty

 **more like HUNKules** : I was so excited to cook w/ my parents and hugh I !! wanted to go as soon as possible

 **little lion** : we lovE you you're so cute

 **more like HUNKules** : I love you too!! I'll kiss you when I come get my shirt

 **johnn:** woOO

\---

 **little lion** : uGh lafayette laying on our bed in nothing but their underwear with their hand like casually flat on their chest lookin at me with some Eyes I'm in love

 **laf** : you're ridiculous

 **little lion** : and youRE hot af sue me

 **laf** : okay well,,,instead of suing you,,,,I will be kissing you,,,and then getting dressed to go downstairs and watch our husband be cute w his family while making food

 **little lion** : ooOh me and john are coming

 **laf** : I expected you would

\---

 **little lion** : are you okay dearest

 **laf** : yeah!! yeah why do I look sad

 **little lion** : the Saddest

 **laf:** normal stuff but I'm glad hercules is happy and I'm happy I have you

 **laf:** are you okay

 **little lion** : ye!! I just worry bc !! they're problems that we discovered a long time ago but!! they're not problems that can be !! fixed in any way that would solve the problem completely so I !! like to be sure because I love you and also I care about you so much I want you to be safe and happy all the time

 **laf:** I love you so much and I know that alexander

 **laf:** 22 years I've known you and your,,,pretty much Main priority in our relationship since 2010 was making sure that you were doing what you could to make sure I was safe and happy

 **little lion** : I love ya, what can I say

 **laf:** and I'm incredibly lucky for that

 **little lion** : not to !! detract away from talking about our families but !! cAaaAAAaAn I sit in your lap and kiss you until breakfast is ready,,,,for healing

 **laf:** ,,,yes

 **little lion** : !! woo !!

\---

 **little lion** : breAKFAST IS READY!!

 **elizabeth s** : ughGHGHHg I'm coming down

 **elizabeth s** : tell john if he takes all the hot waffles I'll fucking kill him

 **little lion** : ,,,,will do!

\---

 **laf** : summon them

\---

 **more like HUNKules** : BBbBBbBbBbBbREAKFAST!!!!!!!!!

 **frances** : YES

\---

 **johnn** : are you okay frances

 **frances** : ,,,why

 **johnn** : you keep looking at james like,,,,

 **johnn** : likE you think he's been replaced with some kind of alien clone, but you have no proof of it because he looks and acts the same, so you're trying to find miniscule details to prove your theory

 **frances** : IM

 **frances** : no it's just!! he's been gone from his house for a week and his family didn't even NOTICE he was gone until they needed something from him bc they !! don't like him !! ((the wording that james used was Different)) and even though he told them and got them to agree to let him come on this trip, he's going to be in trouble when he gets home because they won't believe him when he said he told them and I want him to live with us but we can't just do that!! bc he has to Ask and we don't know how his family will react or if they'll care at all and if they DO care they might like !! put a restraining order out on us or whatever that would make me/our family seeing him, and therefore heLPING HIM, illegal

 **frances:** the allowance to tell you about the personal life of my boyfriend has been granted By james

 **johnn:** we'll !! see what we can do !! he does have to go home, because we aren't allowed to kidnap a child there's,,,laws for why we can't,,,but I don't mean in like a Stay there kind of way

 **johnn:** we have no legal or blood attachments to james, so we!! have to be careful !! but if he does ask and they say yes, then he can get his stuff and by aLL means move in with us, but if something happens and they do say no then !! we can consider other options, we're not just gonna leave him stranded

 **frances** : can I,,,,,,marry him

 **frances** : that would give me legal grounds

 **frances:** oh wait but james doesn't turn 18 until august so he would have to,,,,get parental permission I hope I DIE

 **johnn:** fuck you go to college next month

 **frances:** I do

 **johnn:** so wait

 **frances:** yes james would only live with us for a month

 **johnn:** I !! don't care how long he stays, if he wanted to stay until y'all were 37 I would let him, I'm just saying because it's short term, that might make a difference in their decision

 **frances:** okay but !! breaks !! can he stay with us on breaks

 **johnn:** you know he can

 **johnn:** can I show this to your other parents??

 **frances:** james consents

 **johnn:** thank him for me

\---

 **little lion** : we have six kids now.

 **macaroni fuCK** : ?????

 **jmadzzz** : ???????????

\---

 **france eyes** : are you okay love !! we can hear you crying in the bathroom

 **france eyes** : but only bc we're !! standing outside of it !! nobody else can hear you my love

 **frances** : !!!!

 **james:** yEAH !! yeah yeah yeah I'm fine I just !! your whole family is so nice and welcoming and at the very mention of the fact that my life is garbage they !! did this I'm losing my marbles the bathroom door is unlocked

 **frances:** can we hug you

 **james:** please

 **france eyes** : coming!!

\---

 **johnn** : do you still want to go to the beach??

 **frances:** !! yeah !! james thinks it'll be good to take his mind off things and to Relax before he has to go home to That and Ask about Living with us

 **frances:** can we hit up our house and get those big duffle bags that laf has in case they say yes

 **johnn:** is he not sleeping over tonight??

 **frances:** we thought it'd be good if he Asked first, then if they say yes, he can just throw all his shit in the back seat with Us,,,,and then we can take him home

 **frances:** if they say No,,,,we can sneak him out and he can sleep at our house anyway

 **johnn:** okay, I'll notify my coworkers

 **frances:** ,,,,do,,,,do you mean par and dads

 **johnn:** oui

 **frances:** amazing

\---

 **little lion** : LETS GO!! I HAVE A SUN HAT IM GAY AND IM READY FOR THE FUCKING BEACH

 **more like HUNKules** : you have sunscreen on your cheeks

 **little lion** : does it make me look cuter??

 **more like HUNKules** : yes

 **little lion** : leave it

 **laf** : ugh what a babe look at him

 **little lion** : ;^)

\---

 **frances** : DID WE PACK CAR SNACKS

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I HAVE THEM

 **anastasie:** diD WE PACK CAR DRIN KS??

 **frances:** I HAVE THOSE

 **theodosia the Second** : I HAVE CARDS

 **france eyes** : you literally did not pack any of this for the four hour car ride here how far away is the state park beach

 **pip pip doodly doo** : like an hour but we've been awake for a while and don't have the excitement of getting to be with you for a whole week

 **james:** wow are you saying we, as signifs of the laurens-mulligan-hamilton-lafayette children, or the USLMHLF, that we Lose our Morale after one week

 **pip pip doodly doo** : we've been with ya for a whole week, now we're both sad to lose ya

 **theodosia the Second** : I'm,,,making pins that say USLMHLF

 **france eyes** : what's the?? u for??

 **james** : united

 **france eyes** : OH

 **france eyes** : aw okay

 **james** : I feel like me, francis, and theo should do stuff together as founders of the USLMHLF

 **theodosia the Second** : ooH !! yes !!

 **frances:** what am I watching happen before my own very eyes

 **james:** mAGIC

 **frances:** kdhJHDKJSJ

\---

 **little lion** : OKAY SO

 **macaroni fUCK** : YEAH I HAVE QUESTIONS

 **jmadzzz** : ME TOO

 **little lion** : W E HAVE SIX CHILDREN NOW

 **macaroni fUCK** : ?????HOW

 **little lion** : we may have emotionally adopted frances' boyfriend it's nO BIG DEAL BUT HE MIGHT BE LIVING WITH US FROM NOW ON

 **jmadzzz** : wait so

 **jmadzzz** : why

 **little lion** : his home life is Not Good we're trying to Remove him From It

 **little lion** : those are all the details I can give you my love

 **macaroni fUCK** : okay

 **macaroni fUCK** : we have six kids now

 **little lion** : !! good !! this changes nothing about anything else now, bc they're both going to college in a month, and when we move it will still be the same amount of rooms bc they just !! sleep in the same room

 **little lion** : I'm not willing at all to change my stance on letting my children's signifs sleep in the same bed as my children, but are you cool with that

 **macaroni fUCK** : I think I am but if I'm not in any way I will be once I notice

 **jmadzzz** : I'm fine with it

 **jmadzzz:** I've been in love with the same person since I was 17, if I got to Date said person when I was 17 I'd be super upset and kinda frustrated if I wasn't allowed to sleep in the same bed as them,,,esp bc of my love for cuddling and also my love for cuddling this person

 **macaroni fUCK** : you're referring to this ""person"" like it isn't me

 **jmadzzz** : yeah hello it's you idk if you knew or not

 **macaroni fUCK** : idk maybe the wedding bands and the 18 years of love would've clued me in

 **jmadzzz:** just in case they didn't

 **macaroni fUCK** : oh of course

 **macaroni fUCK** : also!! are we gonna meet like,,,theo, francis, and james,,,,bc I feel like we should meet the people our step-children are dating

 **little lion** : !! I can ask !! if you want

 **jmadzzz** : dinner on thursday!!

 **little lion** : :^O yes !! I lo VE you !! O^:

 **jmadzzz** : I love you too!!

\---

 **little lion** : hello my small children

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I'm about to be a senior in high school

 **frances** : yeah and I went and did that shit already ^^

 **little lion** : ok well I finished high school 25 years ago so

 **little lion** : HELLO, MY SMALL CHILDREN

 **frances** : fair

 **little lion** : the family dinner we're having on thursday !! thomas and james wanted to know if you wanted to bring your respective signifs to it so they can meet the people ya love

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,,can thomas make that fuckin scampi stuff he made like a while ago

 **little lion** : chicken or shrimp

 **pip pip doodly doo** : shrimp por favor

 **little lion** : I'll ask

 **pip pip doodly doo** : me and theo will be there

 **frances** : I want to deal with the james thing first and I will rsvp at a later date

 **little lion** : I will inform them of your decision thank you ms. laurens-mulligan

 **frances** : thank you mr. hamilton, good day

 **little lion** : good day

\---

 **little lion** : philip wants the shrimp scampi you make, and frances will respond to our offer at a later date as her boyfriend is going through Some things

 **macaroni fUCK** : !! yes to the scampi !! and I respect frances and await her response

 **jmadzzz** : hmmm

 **jmadzzz:** I love you both a lot

 **little lion** : I love you too!! I love you so much omg

 **jmadzzz:** !!!

 **little lion:** I can't wait to live in a house with yoU!!!

 **macaroni fUCK** : shdskjdhJHDH!! getting to incorporate alex into our routines and to be incorporated into his and be just!! one big Unit I !! am so excited to live my life with you

 **little lion** : same !! I want to get married now :^( this is so rude

 **jmadzzz:** !!

 **little lion** : are you doing anything today??

 **macaroni fUCK** : jane has a pool party she wants to go to that we're gonna drop her off at later but other than that no

 **macaroni fUCK** : WE HAVE TO MAKE SANDRA HER COOKIES !!!!!!!!

 **jmadzzz** : oh my beautiful husband

 **jmadzzz** : so wonderful,,,and amazing

 **little lion** : he's on top of you now isn't he

 **macaroni fUCK** : he's a welcome weight

 **macaroni fUCK** : we,,,,gotta go

 **little lion** : fair, I want pictures

 **macaroni fUCK** : ;^) will do

 **little lion** : have fun my loves

 **jmadzzz** : oh we will

\---

 **james:** wow, watching alex put sunscreen on frances' face is honestly so cute I love her

 **frances:** he like massages your face muscles like what is happening rn that my face feels so relaxed it's gonna slide off

 **james:** amazing I love you

 **frances:** I think you're fantastic you know

 **frances:** I think knowing you is one of the best things that could ever happen to me and I love you more than I can even show you

 **james:** honey

 **france eyes** : I love !! james !! so so much!!

 **james:** I love you both too!! I !! want to be with you both forever 

 **frances:** I asked my dad if I could marry you and he didn't say no

 **james:** I!! why !!!

 **frances:** well,,,my parents can't just Take you from your house bc they have no legal standing

 **frances:** if I married you, I could probably do Something

 **james:** onE month,,,,and then I'm done with them

 **france eyes** : !!! do you want to do anything for your birthday this year !!!

 **james:** dinner, ice cream, home

 **james:** ,,,,,maybe trampoline place,,,,then ice cream,,,,then home

 **frances:** my home??

 **james:** your home.

 **france eyes** : deal

 **france eyes** : you can decide whatever you want to do later, right now just lay on the beach with us

 **frances** : can we be soft with you today

 **james:** yes please I need it

 **france eyes:** of course love

 **frances:** we love you

 **james:** I love you too

\---

 **anastasie:** I AM CO OV ER ED IN SEAWEED TELL ME WHY WE LIKE THIS BEACH AND TELL ME WHERE YOU ALL ARE BC THE ONLY PEOPLE HERE ARE MY TWO SIBLINGS AND THE USLMHLF ALL OF WHICH ARE ASLEEP

 **little lion** : bc they have slushies and we are getting slushies and?? the uslmhlf ???

 **anastasie:** the united signifs of the laurens-mulligan-hamilton-lafayette family

 **anastasie:** there are three members but there are pins being made

 **little lion** : IM

 **anastasie:** DID YOU GET ME A SLUSHIE

 **johnn** : we got all of you slushies!!

 **johnn** : except theo we got her a smoothie bc that's what she asked for

 **anastasie** : niCE god bless

 **laf:** wake all of the others up please!! it's 96 degrees and these are rapidly melting!!

 **anastasie:** they're up!! I started yelling and they got spooked

 **more like HUNKules** : put more sunscreen on please bc you were just in the water!!

 **anastasie** : ughHGj oKAY anything else

 **little lion** : no!! you're fine for now

 **anastasie:** thANK

\---

 **laf:** do y'all want to go down to the ocean w us

 **little lion** : who's us

 **laf:** me, hercules, and his parents

 **johnn:** uhh elizabeth and hugh are down there building another sandcastle with william so no, I'll stay up here with the kids if that's okay

 **laf:** that's fine my love

 **little lion** : I'll stay up here w john bc he's beautiful and I'm pUTTING the stickers back on his chest bc my tan line is fading

 **johnn:** I'm literally being branded

 **little lion** : ya love me

 **johnn:** I do this is so rude

 **laf:** aw you're so cute :^( I almost don't want to go down now

 **more like HUNKules** : I have to I'm sweating

 **laf:** ok mood I'm coming

 **little lion** : bye loves!!

 **more like HUNKules** : bye!!

\---

 **little lion** : john

 **little lion** : how long have you been taking pictures of me like this

 **johnn** : about five minutes I have like sixteen pictures

 **johnn** : you're just so beAUTIFUL

 **johnn** : I love you so much

 **johnn** : I'm so happy I'm married to you

 **little lion** : I love you too!! are my lips blue

 **johnn** : yes and you keep laughing and I just !! the sun on you and your smile and your eyes and the way your hair falls and !! the little sun freckles on your cheeks and your bubble sunglasses and your earrings and !! hi

 **little lion** : hello

 **johnn:** I really want to kiss you

 **little lion** : nothing is stopping you love

 **johnn** : ,,,right

\---

 **little lion** : do I ever tell y'all how much I love you??

 **macaroni fUCK** : you,,,Always tell us how much you love us

 **johnn** : alex you're literally sitting next to me talking about how much you love me

 **little lion** : I know !! and then I was like ""I feel like I haven't done this in a while,,,"" so now I'm concerned bc I really do love you so much

 **more like HUNKules** : I literally have a poem you wrote for me not one week ago tattooed across my heart like babe

 **laf:** you were telling me how much you love me this Morning

 **jmadzzz:** you called me two days ago at two in the morning to have a leNGTHY conversation about how Good and Pure my cheeks are when I smile

 **macaroni fUCK** : you made james give me the phone to tell me how beautiful pictures are of me, and then went on to clarify that I am also beautiful in person, bc you ""had"" to say that so I didn't think you only thought I only looked stUNNING in pictures, bc I don't, I look stunning all the time, and you love me sO much

 **little lion** : ,,,I do

 **macaroni fUCK** : I knOW

 **little lion** : y'aLL ARE THE LOVES OF MY LIFE!! ITS IMPORTANT TO ME I CONSTANTLY TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU BC I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

 **johnn:** you !! do !! tell us !! honey

 **laf:** I love alex so much!!

 **more like HUNKules** : same!!

 **johnn** : same!!

 **macaroni fUCK** : same!!

 **jmadzzz** : same!!

 **little lion** : I can't wait until august ;^)

 **jmadzzz** : oH look at that

 **jmadzzz** : I'm blushing

 **macaroni fUCK** : I'm laying on top of you and you're like,,,,sizzling

 **jmadzzz:** shut up I'm having Thoughts and you're not helping

 **laf:** ,,what kind of thoughts??

 **macaroni fUCK** : he's stuttering in Real Life and getting Hotter

 **jmadzzz** : fuck

 **laf:** omg I'm soRRY

 **macaroni fUCK** : he says you're fine

 **macaroni fUCK** : specifically he says ""th-I-uh-hhh-I-fine, they uh,,,yeah, ty-type that""

 **macaroni fUCK** : but for the sake of the fact that y'all actually have to READ what he's saying, I paraphrased

 **jmadzzz:** thank

\---

 **jmadzzz:** ok so this paris trip

 **little lion** : I expected something like this coming soon

 **little lion** : disclaimer!! you do not have to go !! and if you want to go and don't want to do Anything, we can always go out and do stuff it is Literally paris

 **jmadzzz:** no uh I'm okay with everything implied to happen in this paris trip

 **little lion** : ok so we're literally gonna have sex for three days

 **little lion** : and uhh when you get there don't go in our Closet that is where we keep the Things that you aren't,,,aware of yet

 **macaroni fUCK** : we dated for three years before now what did we??? we didn't know stuff

 **little lion** : new kinks develop over twelve years thomas

 **little lion** : my Love for your voice and your accent however, remains, so bring that with ya

 **little lion** : ANYWAY in case you wanted !! more detail !! sex for three days, sometimes we have dinner some place really fancy which will probably happen bc!! y'all are there !! and we hydrate and watch movies bc hercules, BEFORE NOW, couldn't speak french and we like to include him

 **jmadzzz:** thank you

 **jmadzzz:** and !! I'm fine with that !! trust me uhh I knew it was probably going to happen at some point but I just don't understand how I'm gonNA DO IT

 **jmadzzz:** LIKE !! YOUR SPOUSES ARE SO !! BETETR AT FLIRTING AND SUAVENESS AND PROBABLY SEX THAN I AM !! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP UP

 **little lion** : oH !! honey !! you have nothing to worry about!!

 **little lion** : first of all let's start with the fact that you are infinitely ""suave"" and know how to flirt amazingly and !!! even if you think you don't !! I have PROOF that you do and aLSO !! yoURE ALL """GOOD""" """AT SEX""" JUST !! IN DIFFERENT WAYS !! SO DONT WORRY!! aND !! THE ENERGY GROWS OVER THE YEARS !! we're not gonna make you do anything, especially if you don't want to and are exhausted !! like babe I love you so much

 **jmadzzz:** we're going into this with no expectations right

 **little lion** : of course, we have to figure out how you're all gonna Work Together

 **little lion** : I, of course, have thought about this extensively, and am expecting nothing but for my Dreams to come true bc y'all know how to Wow me

 **jmadzzz:** okay,,,I can do that

 **jmadzzz:** ""that"" being You

 **jmadzzz:** I am fine with this and I just !! I'm gonna need,,,,Encouragement

 **little lion** : which I will be dishing out in Overabundance,,,when I can speak

 **macaroni fUCK** : he's so embarrassed he's whispering to me about how he's worried abt fucking his husband in front of other people

 **little lion** : I aM expecting something actually

 **little lion** : and that is for, in this instance alone, the venn diagram of both of my marriages to Not start and end with me

 **macaroni fUCK** : can I be honest for a min

 **jmadzzz:** is this where you admit you have like a thing where you want to have sex with john

 **macaroni fUCK** : OK JOHN IS HOT SO FUCK YOU

 **little lion** : SKHDJSDHSDJ CAN I PLEASE TELL HIM YOU SAID THIS

 **macaroni fUCK** : N O

 **little lion** : YOURE LITERALY GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM IN A MONTH LIKE JDSKDHDKJH

 **macaroni fUCK** : KJHSDJH FINE BUT IF JAMES IS EXPOSING ME THEN YOU GET TO KNOW THAT JAMES ONCE TOLD ME WHEN HE WAS DRUNK AND HALF ASLEEP THAT HE COULD SEE HIMSELF LIKE LTIERALLY LOVING LAFAYETTE SO HA

 **jmadzzz:** I WAS DRUNK

 **macaroni fUCK** : DRUNK CONFESSIONS ARE JUST SOBER SECRETS OR WHATEVER THE FUCK

 **little lion** : hmmmmm I'm beyond okay with this

 **little lion** : can I tell lafayette That

 **jmadzzz:** NO AND I HAVE GROUNDS HERE BC WHILE THOMAS WILL GET TO HAVE SEX WITH THOMAS, I AM NOT FALLING IN LOVE WITH LAFAYETTE ANY TIME SOON

 **little lion** : well

 **jmadzzz:** IM NOT I PROMISE

 **little lion** : wait thoughts on hercules

 **macaroni fUCK** : THATS a wHOLE other conversation

 **little lion** : hJDHSKJDHK

 **little lion** : john said that he can't Wait until august now ;^)

 **macaroni fUCK** : I am

 **macaroni fUCK** : flatlining goodbye

\---

 **johnn:** thoMAS JEFFERSON IS ATTRACTED TO ME SEXUALLY

 **laf:** I AM SITTING NEXT TO HERCULES' MOM RIGHT NOW LIKE RIGHT NEXT TO HER WHY WOULD YOU SEND THIS TO ME

 **johnn:** BC THOMAS JEFFERSON IS ATTRACTED TO ME

 **johnn:** S E X U A L L Y

 **more like HUNKules** : lafayette is currently laughing so hard they have to muffle it in my arm

 **more like HUNKules** : they're coughing I love them so much

 **laf:** the pHRASING

 **little lion** : JSDHKJDGHKSDHGD

 **johnn:** sakjALEX IS BRIGHT RED SO ITS A MOOD

 **little lion** : HE THINKS HE S HOT

 **little lion** : I MEAN HEY HE IS BUT THE FACT THAT ITS THOSAMDLKAS

 **little lion** : I LOVE MY DAMN LIFE

 **more like HUNKules** : ASKJDHSDJKHDKJH

\---

 **frances:** do you want to go in the ocean?? you're sweating

 **france eyes** : however your sweaty palms will just have to deal bc I'm not letting your hands go unless I'm hugging you or standing up,,,all other times I will be attached

 **james:** ugh yes I just woke up with half my body covered in sunscreen bc your dad is a blessing, and I'm oily and tired, and I need the cool rush of the ocean to wake me up and also clean me so I can come up and reapply the sunscreen Evenly

 **frances:** I love you

 **france eyes** : I love you james!!

 **james:** I love you too!! let's go

 **james:** :^( my fucking slushie melted

 **james:** ugh today is so depressing

 **james:** I'm so happy I have you both

 **frances:** we're so lucky to have you !! now letS get up

 **france eyes** : !! yes !!

 **james:** iM comin

\---

 **laf:** !! my small loves are asleep !! I love them so much

 **more like HUNKules** : do you ever just see alex and john and want to fucking just

 **more like HUNKules** : cuddle them so hard you die

 **laf:** that is,,,80% of my emotional range hercules

 **more like HUNKules** : theo and pip are asleep again

 **laf:** so were frances, francis, and james after we got them their slushies

 **laf:** how do they sleep at all during the night

 **more like HUNKules** : idk but as parents should we be Concerned

 **laf:** uhh no, I don't think

 **laf:** they're fine when we're at home, I think it's the ""we're relaxing together on vacation with each other on the Beach"" kinda thing that they're fucking with and honestly, I respect it

 **more like HUNKules** : mood

 **more like HUNKules** : we should get going soon though

 **more like HUNKules** : it's almost one and we want to be at the gift shop by three

 **laf:** fUCK yeah okay wake everyone up and make them help clean up, I'll,,,go get your parents

 **more like HUNKules** : you just don't want to clean

 **laf:** nope!! bye!!

 **laf:** love you !!

 **more like HUNKules** : love you too !!

\---

 **little lion** : hmmm yes yes

 **little lion** : my sun tattoo is going wonderfully on john's chest

 **johnn:** I'm taking these off in the van

 **little lion** : nO take them off in the house, if we drop the stickers in the van they'll use it as an excuse to not give us the deposit back

 **johnn:** right

 **johnn:** guess I'm putting my shirt on over them then

 **little lion** : I loVE you

 **johnn:** I love you too

 **more like HUNKules** : if you two don't start helping I'm gonna punt you into the sun

 **johnn:** ,,,we're coming

 **more like HUNKules** : thank

\---

 **theodosia the Second** : I have a fucking headache

 **pip pip doodly doo** : are you sleeping over my house tonight??

 **theodosia the Second** : yeah I told my parents and they said it's fine as long as I got their souvenirs

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I love you

 **theodosia the Second** : I'm

 **pip pip doodly doo** : soRry you're just,,,,the sun is making your skin Shimmer and you're smiling so wide at me and I,,,love you

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I want to go home and put my ring on

 **theodosia the Second** : I love you too, come here and kiss me

 **pip pip doodly doo** : !! comin

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : will you help me

 **pip pip doodly doo** : yknow how that big gift shop we go in every year to Gift Shop is right across from that plaza with that jewelry store

 **laf** : yes why

 **pip pip doodly doo** : bc theo spent Her money on this ring for me when we went shopping and I !! want to get her one !! bc I love her

 **pip pip doodly doo** : the problem is I have no Money

 **laf:** you Really need a job

 **laf:** unLESS you're actually going to take selling your art Seriously

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I'll,,apply to places,,,

 **pip pip doodly doo** : bUT also !! ring

 **laf:** I will pay it, but you're going to pay me back

 **laf:** once you get a job someplace and figure out how much you're making and how much the ring you pick out costs, we can see how much you'll pay me back per paycheck

 **pip pip doodly doo** : deal

 **laf:** thank you

\---

 **laf:** our son and his girlfriend are getting Rings but also not getting engaged bc they're not ALLOWED

 **laf:** idk how to process this can you do it for me

 **little lion** : promise rings!! engaged to be engaged

 **laf:** thank you

 **little lion** : I always wanted a promise ring

 **johnn:** we would've gotten you one if you told us that

 **little lion** : idk we were in our 20's,,,it's different

 **little lion** : besides, I have a wedding band, I don't need a promise ring

 **little lion** : phiLip, however, is Not Allowed to have a wedding band for at least three years

 **laf:** so like,,,cubic zirconia??

 **more like HUNKules** : garnet and alexandrite

 **more like HUNKules** : birthstones!!

 **laf:** oOh yes!!

 **laf:** pip will have to agree w me on this tho it's ultimatley his decision with my budget sO we'll see

 **johnn:** of course

 **more like HUNKules** : !! get in the van please you two

 **laf:** right !!

\---

 **little lion** : john is both sun and laf kissed I love him

 **johnn:** I have lip balm on me this is gross

 **laf:** it has spf!! I'm protecting you

 **johnn:** oh of course

 **laf:** can we all shower together again

 **laf:** no reason I'm just in love

 **little lion** : !! yes !! someone is washing my hair I don't want to do it

 **laf:** I caLL it

 **laf:** hercules isn't here to compete buT maybe he shouldn't have driven the bus home then

 **little lion** : HDSJH

 **johnn:** I wish we could take baths here like after we shower

 **johnn:** we're doing that tomorrow night

 **little lion** : we have dinner with your siblings tomorrow night honey

 **johnn:** fuck right love those guys

 **johnn:** monday then

 **laf:** it's a date

 **johnn:** mmm I love you

 **laf:** we love you too

 **little lion** : love you!!

\---

 **frances** : you okay love??

 **frances** : you look upset

 **france eyes** : yeah I'm fine!! I'm really happy that james might be living with you and getting away from his terrible family but !! idk I wish I could do more to help him

 **france eyes** : I just feel like I'm not !! doing anything !! when I could be !! and you're doing so much and that's so great but I just !! I want to be there for him and I feel like I'm failing as a boyfriend

 **frances:** honey!! you're fine!! omg no james loves you so much and he told you before that !! loving him and supporting him is enough !! and he meant it !! you could never fail as a boyfriend !! not with your personality and the fact that sometimes you get heart palpitations bc you love us so much

 **france eyes** : thATS a real health concern I have

 **frances:** I love you

 **france eyes** : I love you too I just !! feel helpless yknow

 **france eyes** : there's nothing I can do for him besides be there to either celebrate or to help him through the fall out and also I'm a little teensie bit afraid that if they say yes, I'll be disgusting and selfish and upset that I won't be able to spend time with the both of you as you're spending with each other and I just !!

 **frances:** that doesn't make you disgusting omg that makes you a,,,person,,,babe,,,,I'm so

 **france eyes** : it's an insecure fear and I hate it

 **frances:** hoWEVER, you brought it up so we could talk about it like a Person, and didn't internalize it until you resented us, which is good

 **france eyes** : we still have half a summer left I want it to be the best time before we go off to college and just die

 **frances:** we !! will love I promise !! and no !! if james moves into my house, you will be invited over like wAY more, bc we love you and Want you with us

 **frances:** oH also my parents are going to their secret vacation house for three days in august and you're invited to stay at my house all three days

 **frances:** whether my parents find out about it or not it up to fate ;^)

 **france eyes** : I'm

 **france eyes** : yes okay

 **france eyes** : I see very much how you're distracting me so I'm not upset anymore

 **frances:** and james is kissing your face so I think we're doing a pretty good job

 **france eyes** : he doesn't even know why I'm upset

 **frances:** !! come here

 **france eyes** : !!

\---

 **laf** : joNATHAN MATTHEW LAURENS IF YOU DO NOT GET UP HERE TO SHOWER W US IN TWO SECONDS I WILL DI V O R C E YOU

 **johnn:** did you just Assign me a middle name so you could yell at me

 **laf:** yes

 **laf:** I love you

 **johnn:** and you picked MattHEW??

 **laf:** GET UP HERE

 **johnn:** HSDJHD M A T T H E W

 **johnn:** MARIE-JOSEPH PAUL YVES ROCHE GILBERT DU MOTIER, MARQUIS DE LAFAYETTE AND THE BEST YOU COULD DO WAS MATTHEW

 **johnn:** wait do you ever think about how if I called you paul it would be accurate

 **laf:** if you call me paul Ever I swear I'm going to take your wedding ring and Swallow it

 **little lion** : spiTTERS ARE QUITTERS

 **laf:** ooh where'd you get that face wash

 **little lion** : I brought it !! it's foamy you leave it on for a min and then wash it off do you want some

 **laf:** ye!!

 **johnn:** I'm on my way up!!

 **laf:** yaS !! what were you even doing down there

 **johnn:** hugh sr. was talking to me about baby hercules

 **more like HUNKules** : nO

 **johnn:** yeS!!

 **johnn:** my cute cute cute little babe who went as a dinosaur for three halloweens in a row I loVE you

 **little lion** : he's !! blushing aLL over

 **more like HUNKules** : this is so rude and the worst time to be naked

 **johnn:** my loVE

 **laf:** aH!! he's so warm !!

 **johnn:** I am RUNNING up

 **more like HUNKules** : HSKJDHSKJH

\---

 **france eyes** : hey

 **james:** hello love

 **james:** Why are you texting me when we're sitting on the same bathroom floor

 **france eyes** : I really hope you get to stay with frances

 **france eyes** : and I'm really sorry I can't do much to help!!

 **james:** my bABE!! you are FINE

 **france eyes** : thaTS WHAT FRANCES SAID BUT I REALLY FEEL LIKE IM JUST SITTING HERE DOING NOTHING WHILE YOURE GOIN THROUGH IT RN

 **james:** please explain to me exactly what you could do, in any capacity

 **france eyes** : idk !! just !! more

 **james** : you could hug me, that's about it

 **james** : you're maxin out support and love levels here, and you care so hard it overwhelms me that someone could love me this much, like !! you're truly doing everything you can !!and I love you so much for that !!

 **france eyes** : I love you too !!

 **france eyes** : Come Here

 **james:** !!!

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : arE WE READY TO GIFT SHOP !!!!!!!!!

 **theodosia the Second** : I fell asleep while you were in the shower so fucking No

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I'm

 **theodosia the Second** : my hair looks Bomb bc I put my curl defining stuff on and then like silk capped it but I want to wear a dress and I can't pick between blue or orange or green

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ooOooOh green is pretty

 **theodosia the Second** : it's short sleeved tho so idk

 **pip pip doodly doo** : what do the other ones look like

 **theodosia the Second** : the blue one is the flowy one with the straps that I wore when we went rollerskating like two weeks ago, and the orange one is this halter thing that is kinda sparkly

 **theodosia the Second** : I think I might wear the orange one

 **pip pip doodly doo** : wait the orange one you bought when you went to that big mall in pennsylvania and came back and modeled when you wanted to show me everything you got

 **pip pip doodly doo** : it's from like forever 21

 **theodosia the Second** : yes!! how do you even remember that

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I like that dress it's that material that makes you look like a goddess when the wind blows

 **pip pip doodly doo** : plus you were wearing that dress and these heels and you told me that this would be the color you want your bridesmaids to wear at Our Wedding and it was the first time you ever said Our wedding instead of Your wedding and I was like wow I really !! you really do love me as much as I love you and that's A LOT

 **theodosia the Second** : piP

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ~memories~

 **theodosia the Second** : sdJHSKJDH

\---

 **johnn** : hhhhhhhhhhh when lafayette is in low cut dresses and your mind just short circuits

 **little lion** : I !! KNOW !! LOOK AT THEM

 **more like HUNKules** : hGHGHGHGGGGHGH

 **laf:** bABES!! gift shopping

 **laf:** I might wear this home it's really light and I like sleeping

 **laf:** but at the same time, pajama pants

 **johnn:** I'm gonna kiss your chest for a quick second you look so fucking nice

 **laf:** okay

 **laf:** also thank you love!! I didn't even mean to dress up I just found this in my suitcase

 **laf:** I'm not even wearing makeup

 **little lion** : the effects of the foaming face wash are making you Glow

 **laf:** !! we all went with a beachy vibe !! I love when we do this

 **more like HUNKules** : I love you

 **laf:** he r C ules

 **more like HUNKules** : I can't wait to get back home and sleep in our bed

 **more like HUNKules** : I !! god just can't wait to be home

 **more like HUNKules** : given I have to DRIVE THERE but that's neither here nor there

 **little lion** : I love you!! if I could drive the bus you know I would!!

 **more like HUNKules** : I love you too!! and I know you would my love

 **more like HUNKules** : also !! will y'all go to bed early w me tonight??

 **more like HUNKules** : I sleep better when you're next to me

 **johnn:** hercules edwARD MULLIGAN OF COURSE !!

 **more like HUNKules** : we arE NOT ASSIGNING EACH OTHER MIDDLE NAMES

 **little lion** : SKHDJJSDHK

 **little lion** : also !! hercules !! of course!! can I sleep on top of you

 **more like HUNKules** : yes I prefer it

 **little lion** : tbh y'all can get any mattress you want I have hercules if I'm uncomfortable

 **little lion** : oOOh that means john and thomas will have to sleep next to each other

 **johnn:** asHSJDHSJDH

 **johnn:** I wouldn't mind tbh

 **little lion** : JOHNATHAN MATTHEW !! :^O!!

 **johnn:** cOME HERE

 **little lion** : NO NO NO

 **johnn:** I JUST WANNA TALK

 **little lion** : AHHHHHHHHHHH

 **more like HUNKules** : wow !! watching my husband try to run away from my other husband only to be tackled right before he gets to the door and then tickled until they both fall and then watch alex be BRIGHT red as john kisses his face over and over again until alex is Squeaking??

 **more like HUNKules** : mood

 **laf:** I want to unbutton your top three buttons you cool w that

 **more like HUNKules** yeah sure

 **laf:** !! yes !! hot pirate lookin husband

 **more like HUNKules** : omg

 **laf:** OK ARE WE READY TO GO!!

 **more like HUNKules** : yes!!

 **johnn:** yeS!!

 **little lion** : I CAN B R E A T H E AGAIN !! FINALLY !! ALSO YES LETS G O!!

 **laf:** WOOO

\---

 **frances:** why is everyone dressed up

 **frances:** should I be dressed up

 **theodosia the Second** : no I just wanted to wear a dress

 **pip pip doodly doo** : and I have to step up to be what theodosia deserves

 **theodosia the Second** : you don't

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I do tho you're gorgeous I can't just walk out looking like I don't know how to dress myself

 **frances:** did I just get insulted

 **pip pip doodly doo** : no you're dressed fine I'm just saying for Reference 

 **frances:** ok

 **frances:** can we talk about how cute my boyfriends are

 **pip pip doodly doo** : sure

 **frances:** idk what else to say besides tank tops

 **pip pip doodly doo** : you have like the Biggest heart eyes are you okay

 **frances** : no I love them

 **frances** : we're all going to the same college and I'm going to get to spend a life with them

 **james** : babe

 **frances** : kiSS ME

 **james** : oH!! okay!!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : gross

\---

 **james:** the seA SHELL SHOP???

 **frances:** YES

 **james:** AMAZING

 **james:** IM DELIGHTED BY NOTHING LIKE IM DELIGHTED BY THE NAME OF THIS GIFT SHOP

\---

 **laf:** COME ON

 **pip pip doodly doo** : !!!!

\---

 **laf** : TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS

 **laf** : philip is so lucky I love him or I swear to god

 **laf** : it is pretty though he has nice taste

 **johnn** : are you okay like

 **johnn** : you're not Upset right bc he notices those things like Super a lot

 **laf** : no !! no I'm not mad !! I mean, I proposed to you over text message on impulse bc planning a proposal would take more time than I wanted to spend Not being engaged to you, if my son wants to buy a promise ring for his girlfriend whO am I to be like ""no,,,,sorry"" like I love him

 **laf** : also has philip always been this small

 **johnn** : yes he's my height

 **laf** : hmmm I feel like he's been taller

 **little lion** : he wears lifts sometimes

 **laf** : that might be it

 **laf** : anyway I love our children

 **laf** : pip is like running back like ???

 **little lion** : oH !! I see him !! tell him she's in the aisle with all the little christmas decorations picking stuff out for The Burrs

 **laf:** hE JUST !! THREW THE BOX AT ME AND SAID ""IT HAS TO BE A S E CRE T"" likE???

 **johnn:** oH !! also I've lost hercules in this store which means he's probably buying us something he doesn't want us to know about bc he was very keen to not hold my hand so I wouldn't notice if he pulled away

 **little lion** : how didn't you notice your Whole Husband going missing

 **johnn** : I was,,,,looking at these little seashell people,,,,but they don't have 11 so I'm buying five for all the children

 **johnn** : we have five kids right

 **little lion** : I'm

 **little lion** : yes

 **little lion** : james is an honorary child tho so should you buy six

 **little lion** : or is that weird bc he's frances' boyfriend

 **johnn:** hmmm, I'll buy six

 **johnn:** !! we can give lucy and jane their seashell people and theN!! WHEN WE ALL LIVE IN ONE HOUSE !! THEY CAN ALL COME TOGETHER AND BE IN ONE PLACE IN OUR HOUSE

 **johnn:** or is that stupid

 **little lion** : JOHN THATS SO CUTE HUSH

 **little lion** : you can give them those !! or I can if you don't want to or don't think you're ready or !! whatever

 **little lion** : I already got jane this puzzle thing ?? idk it looks complicated and she's smarter than me and also likes these kinds of things so !! and also these kinds of bracelets they like that you can only buy in certain places and they're themed based on where you are?? and they don't have any of the beach ones so I got her All of the beach ones bc there's only like six whiCH is biased but !! I hope they like them

 **little lion** : and then I got lucy this book abt wlw in ancient rome anD also Another puzzle thing Different from janes bc they Both like these types of puzzles I just !!

 **johnn:** I love you

 **little lion** : I love you too

 **johnn:** I can feel your anxiety rising where are you love

 **little lion** : I think I bought shirts too

 **little lion** : uhh I see you I'm on your left your worried eyebrows are Defined stop that

 **johnn:** sorry

 **johnn:** I'm sure they'll like whatever you got them love, they love you

 **little lion** : I love them :^(

 **johnn:** my honey

 **more like HUNKules** : I was looking at fish and buying us sweatshirts but I'm coming over to hug alex now

 **johnn:** good I need someone to hug his back

 **little lion** : that's not how normal hugs work you don't Need someone to hug my back

 **johnn:** well we're four polyamorous people who are all married to each other so this is what Our normal hugs are

 **laf:** I'm coming!!

 **little lion** : I think I'm gonna ask james and thomas bc I wanted !! the gifts to be a surprise but also uhhhh I would rather ruin a surprise than sit here anxious and sweating sO

 **more like HUNKules** : good call my love

 **johnn** : WHO JUST SCREAMED

\---

 **theodosia the Second** : A R ING

 **theodosia the Second** : YOU BOUGHT ME A RING

 **theodosia the Second** : PHILIP HAMILTON-LAFAYETTE THIS IS NOT FUNNY

 **pip pip doodly doo** : yoU SCR E AM E D

 **theodosia the Second** : bC YOU W A LKED UP TO ME, SAID HI !! AFTER I LOST YOU !! IN THE SEA SHELL SHOP !! KISSED ME !! THEN TOOK MY HAND AND PUT A R IN G ON MY FI NG ER

 **theodosia the Second** : AND IT F I T S

 **pip pip doodly doo** : NO FAITH

 **theodosia the Second** : nO!! I ONLY KNOW YOUR RING SIZE BC I WAS THERE SOPHOMORE YEAR WHEN THAT GUY SIZED YOU FOR YOUR CLASS RING!! AND I GOT A NECKLACE SO LIKE !!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : we weren't even dating then

 **theodosia the Second** : I had a crush on you

 **theodosia the Second** : you were cute and funny and like,,,the only person I could talk to abt being trans other than my parents aND !! being with you was fun,,,then my heart got into it and,,,,here we are

 **theodosia the Second** : I love you

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I love you too!!

 **theodosia the Second** : sO THIS R I NG

 **theodosia the Second** : HOW DID YOU KNOW MY RING SIZE I HAVE TO ASK

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I stole that silver band you have in your little bag bc I'm ;) sneaky, and then I had them size it

 **theodosia the Second** : I love it so much!! what are the stones

 **pip pip doodly doo** : it's our birthstones!! it was hercules' idea garnet and alexandrite

 **theodosia the Second** : !! kiss me nOW

 **pip pip doodly doo** : !! iM

\---

 **james** : just found theo and pip making out in the christmas decoration section of this store??? ooh she has a ring on now that's pretty

 **frances** : he gOT HER A R I N G ???

 **frances:** this is so rude I wanted to get us rings but I have no money and knew my parents wouldn't go for what I wanted bc it was $300 each

 **james:** GOOD

 **france eyes** : HSDKJSHDK

 **anastasie:** frances can you come over here and help me reach high shelves

 **frances:** yeah fine whatever 

 **anastasie:** merci beaucoup

 **frances:** this conversation is not over mes amours

 **france eyes** : oh dear

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : mine was $200

 **frances:** but you have one signif to buy for and I would have Three rings to Purchase

 **pip pip doodly doo** : the Best signif

 **frances:** debatable

 **frances:** alsO I don't have nine hundred dollars

 **pip pip doodly doo** : laf said I could pay them back when I get a job

 **pip pip doody doo** : and we can talk about how much I pay them each time I get paid,,,so it's debatable and I !! can't wait lowkey bc I wanna take theodosia on dates

 **frances:** you already do that

 **pip pip doodly doo** : with mY MONEY

 **pip pip doodly doo** : it's more romantic if it's your money I imagine

 **frances:** ""you imagine"" this is eldest child discrimination

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I'm the cutest just accept it

 **frances:** I aM but I goT A JOB AT 16

 **pip pip doodly doo** : and our sister is out here first job at 14 so HUSH

 **frances** : ,,,,she asked for that tho

 **pip pip doodly doo** : sO DID YOU

 **pip pip doodly doo** : PAR AND DADS SAID YOU SHOULD GET ONE NOT THAT YOU HAD TO

 **frances:** JSDJHSDHSDJ I HAVE LIKE SEVEN HUNDY SAVED BUT THATS FOR LIKE COLLEGE

 **frances:** OH FUCK NEVERMIND I SHOULDNT BE BUYING SHIT ANYWAY BC I HAVE LIKE !! A LIFE TO FUND OR WHATEVER

 **pip pip doodly doo** : sucks

 **frances:** ??? one year bitch ???

 **pip pip doodly doo** : anyway

\---

 **laf:** !! hello to the chat !! alex is not here bc this is About him

 **macaroni fUCK** : hello!! what are we here for is alex okay

 **laf:** yeah !! he got jane and lucy gifts and he's !! really worried they won't like them and we love him so we're here to tell you what he got for them and to confirm or deny what they'll like

 **macaroni fUCK** : !! that's so sweet !! of course !!

 **johnn** : first of all he got them shirts, he explained them to me and they're like purple and blue and I was there when he bought them but I didn't know who they were for but they're cute

 **macaroni fUCK** : !! james is driving now btw so this is just me but that's cuTe af and they're really always down for new shirts so !! yes yes

 **johnn:** !! that's fine !! alex and hercules aren't here bc they're still hugging but he got lucy !! a book abt wlw in ancient rome and !! jane some bracelets that ??? he said are based on places you go or ?? something

 **macaroni fUCK** : !!! yES !!! they've been asking us to go to the beach forever!! for those bracelets !!

 **macaroni fUCK** : aLSO yE S lucy loves gay books abt history and she loves ancient rome so !! it's perfect !!

 **laf:** then he got them both puzzles??? he didn't go into many details w/ the gifts so idk!! he just said they like them

 **macaroni fUCK** : !!! OUI !!!

 **macaroni fUCK** : they're going to love them I can't wait until he gives them to him on ??? thursday I'm guessing bc that's the next time he'll see them !!

 **macaroni fUCK** : I love him so much

 **jmadzzz:** !!! those are so good !!!

 **jmadzzz:** also hello we're home now

 **laf:** he's scared bc lucy's isn't beach themed and that means she won't like it

 **jmadzzz:** shh lucy doesn't even like the beach he is beautiful and fine

 **johnn:** !! I bought them these little seashell children so !! there's a beach themed thing !!

 **macaroni fUCK** : aW!!

 **johnn:** !! ye !! I got frances, pip, and ana them that way when we all move in together they can put their seashells all together somewhere

 **johnn:** even though frances will be in college :^(( and pip will be doing whatever he chooses to do with his life, which I support no matter what it is :^((

 **laf:** alex also said he loves jane and lucy but !! idk if he's ready to tell Them that

 **macaroni fUCK** : he should be !! they love him sm

 **jmadzzz:** !! they do !! and we love him sm I hope he's safe

 **more like HUNKules** : he is!! he just worries

 **jmadzzz:** I know :^(( I love him sm

 **laf:** he loves you too!!

\---

 **little lion** : ok I'm okay now

 **little lion** : you can stop texting about me I see john's phone going oFF with text messages from my james and thomas

 **macaroni fUCK** : am I alex's thomas in all of their phones

 **little lion** : yes !! you're my thomas

 **jmadzzz:** he's tearing up

 **macaroni fUCK** : mMMhmMm oK EXPOSE ME MR. LAFAYETTE TOLD ME ALEX LOVES ME AND I GOT SO HAPPY I STARTED WHEEZING BC I WAS GIGGLING SM

 **jmadzzz:** ST O P

 **little lion** : JAMES!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

 **jmadzzz:** I lovE YOU TOO!!

 **little lion** : !! I can't wait to see you tomorrow !!

 **macaroni fUCK** : !! I'm so excited !! I haven't seen you in a week I feel like I have so much to tell you !!

 **little lion** : like whaT

 **macaroni fUCK** : idk !! I'll know it when I see you !!

 **little lion** : hmm

 **little lion** : you're my soulmate

 **jmadzzz** : he just choKED

 **little lion** : you're my soulmate too

 **little lion** : I have five whole soulmates

 **little lion** : I'm a lucky bitch

 **macaroni fUCK** : I love you so much

 **jmadzzz:** mE TOO

 **little lion** : I love you too!! I also got you stuff at the beach but you don't get to see it until tomorrow !! bye we're going home now and I have to sleep !!

 **macaroni fUCK** : bye!! also why are you going to bed it's only like seven

 **little lion** : hercules has to drive home and so he has to sleep and !! he sleeps better when we're with him

 **jmadzzz** : that's,,,cute as hell so does thomas

 **macaroni fUCK** : cOME HERE

 **jmadzzz:** HE STRYING TO CHOKE ME OUT

 **little lion** : jshKJSAKJS thomas just sleeps better when there's two people with him bc then he can't roll around like a toddler

 **macaroni fUCK** : IM

 **little lion** : ITS JUST THE TRUTH

 **macaroni fUCK** : gO HOME

 **macaroni fUCK** : aND THEN COME HOME

 **macaroni fUCK** : TO ME  
  
**macaroni fUCK** : BC I LOVE YOU SO MUCH 

 **little lion** : will do!! I love you too!!

\---

 **johnn:** wE !! don't wanna make dinner we're going to popeyes

 **anastasie:** yE S

 **frances:** Y AA S

 **pip pip doodly doo** : BLESS

 **johnn:** I'm so tired

 **laf:** you're slumping

 **johnn:** today was t a x i ng

 **more like HUNKules** : you're right

 **little lion** : IM SO EXCITED TO GET HOME AND S E E MY HUSBANDS!!

 **johnn:** aw !! you're so cute come here

 **little lion** : !!!!!

\---

 **anastasie:** hhghghhghghgh I can't move

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I'm dead

 **frances:** I look pregnant

 **france eyes** : don't even talk about that I work in a smoothie bar

 **james:** I work in the same smoothie bar and I am DYING

 **france eyes** : not that I don't want to have children with you!! just !! let me spend the most money in my life, i.e. going to college for fucking something, before we do anything else like doing the thing that will cost me the second most amount of money in my life, i.e. raising a child

 **frances:** love you

 **france eyes** : love you too

 **james:** have you ever considered vocational school my love or Anything else bc !! college isn't your only option and it certainly isn't always the best one !!

 **france eyes** : no I know!! I know I want to do something with teaching !! I just don't know what I want to pin down yet In That Field

 **france eyes** : figured it out this week bc I had an epiphanic dream that got me thinkin and !! I think that's what I wanna do

 **theodosia the Second** : I have .6 seconds before I actually die but !! congratulations !! that's so good figuring out what you want to do !!

 **france eyes** : thank you!!

 **james:** once we finish Digesting, we should all like !! maybe pack our clothes and clean so we can be ready to leave when we have to leave

 **james:** I want to get home quick quick quick so I can !! find out if I live or die or not !!

 **frances:** babe

 **james:** !!!

 **france eyes** : we can make packing into a dance party??

 **james:** Y E S

 **james:** LETS GO NO W!!

 **france eyes** : !!!!!!!

\---

 **more like HUNKules** : wHAT ARE YALL D O I NG UP THERE

 **frances:** ,,,,,having a dance party??

 **more like HUNKules** : can you turn it down please

 **more like HUNKules** : we're trying to sleep so I can drive home

 **frances:** yeah!! sorry

 **more like HUNKules** : you're fine love!! I'm just tired

 **frances:** is that better??

 **more like HUNKules** : much!! thank you

 **frances:** no prob!!

\---

 **mother mulligan** : !! I heard your collective groaning which means you're up !! so I wanted to tell you that hugh, elizabeth, and william are coming home with us!! we thought it would be easier since they only live a half an hour away

 **more like HUNKules** : are you sure?? it's fine if they go with us

 **more like HUNKules** : do you even have enough room in your car??

 **mother mulligan** : yeah!! they have two duffle bags between the three of them and we only brought one bag so !! we should be good

 **more like HUNKules** : okay!! thank you!!

 **mother mulligan** : no problem!!

\---

 **little lion** : standing in a circle popping tylenol with my spouses is never really where I thought we'd be as a marriage

 **little lion** : aspirin bc we get so wine drunk we die overnight??? yeah??? headaches for no damn reason?? not so much

 **johnn:** shhhhhhhhhh

 **little lion** : turn your brightness down

 **johnn:** thank you

 **laf:** my head d i e d

 **laf:** I'm DEAD now

 **johnn:** kiss my forehead please

 **johnn:** make your weird deity healing powers flow through me

 **little lion** : yes me too also

 **laf:** weird asses

 **johnn:** ya still did it

 **laf:** of course, I love you

 **more like HUNKules** : !! hugh and elizabeth cleaned the house and the kids cleaned their room while we were asleep !! we can just head out rn everyone is all packed

 **johnn:** ???we're not???

 **little lion** : yeah we are I threw all our shit in our bags when I woke up

 **johnn:** oh

 **little lion** : nobody has all of their own clothes in their bag btw we're just gonna have to deal with that

 **laf:** that's fine

 **more like HUNKules** : did you get the lube and stuff out of the drawer

 **little lion** : yeah and all of the shampoo and junk

 **little lion** : save the tylenol bc I know who the fuck we are

 **more like HUNKules** : great!! and we have all the food and stuff bc my mom did it even though I told her not to,,,so we can just leave

 **laf:** :^(( fine

 **johnn:** it's eleven at night we're fucking behind schedule

 **johnn:** like deadass we have to go NOW

 **little lion** : FUCK

\---

 **anastasie** : living my damn life in this empty row by myself

 **frances:** are you not tired

 **anastasie:** oh I'm exhausted I just wanted to say this before I went to bed

 **frances:** mood

 **james:** I'm too anxious to sleep is it okay if we just !! cuddle !! and I can maybe fall asleep if I calm down??

 **france eyes** : of course !! babe !!

 **james:** I just !! I'm sweating

 **frances:** that's okay!! this is stressful we can just lay down or whatever you're comfortable with

 **james:** laying is fine, these seats are really big so we can probably fit if we squeeze squeeze squeeze

 **frances:** are you gonna be okay being like,,,Packed in between us

 **james:** I think I might be better off that way

 **frances:** !! going

 **anastasie:** theo and pip are already the fuck out

 **frances:** they did have a fucking VIGOROUS dance battle at 10:30 at night, let em have this

 **anastasie:** mood

\---

 **laf:** !! all the children are asleep !! I can go for that rn

 **johnn:** is it dangerous if I lay on the floor rn and sleep

 **little lion** : YES DO N O T

 **johnn:** ugh fine I'll just lean against the window gn I love you

 **laf:** love you!!

 **little lion** : love you!!

 **laf:** wanna cuddle

 **little lion** : always

\---

 **more like HUNKules** : frances!!

 **frances** : shdjsdh what

 **more like HUNKules** : we're at james' house

 **frances:** fuck

 **frances:** okay

\---

 **frances:** okay we pulled around to the back of your house, where you tell francis to park when you sneak out, if they say no and it goes wrong just sneak out that way if you can and we'll take you to my house to figure this out

 **france eye** s: if they say yes, tell us whether or not we're allowed to help you pack, and then we'll pull around to the front !!

 **frances:** I love you good luck!!

 **france eyes** : good luck!!

 **james:** I love you too!! thank you!!

\---

 **laf:** breathe mon ange

 **frances:** can you do the thing you did when I had the panic attack the night before graduation?? please

 **laf:** !! come here !!

 **frances:** thank you I'm so fucking scared right now

 **laf:** that's okay my love, I would be too, come here we can help

 **frances:** !!!

\---

 **james** : they sAID YES

 **james** : I GOT YELLED AT FOR WAKING THEM UP AND MY MOM HIT ME A COUPLE TIMES BUT THEY WERE SO ANGRY THAT WHEN I PROPOSED THE IDEA OF ME JUST BEING G O N E THEY SAID YES!! THEY TOLD ME THAT THEY COULDNT BELIEVE ANYONE ELSE WOULD PUT UP WITH MY ASS BUT THAT IF THEYRE WILLING THEN THEYRE MO RE THAN HAPPY TO PASS OF THE RESPONSIBILITY OF HOUSING ME

 **france eyes** : I want to kill them

 **james** : ME TOO BUT !!!!! IM PACKING MY STUFF RIGHT NOW THEY SAID YES!!!!

 **frances** : JAMES!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!!!

 **james** : tHEYRE GIVING ME ALL MY IMPORTANT FILES IM GETTING OUTTIE FUCK !!! I never thought this would happen I love you so much thank you

 **frances** : it's !! no problem my love !! do you need help packing???

 **james** : NO I JUST EMPTIED MY DRAWERS, TOOK ALL MY PICTURES AND BATHROOM STUFF, GRABBED EVERYTHIGN ELSE I THINK I WANT AND NEED AND NOW IM COMING DOWN !! I LEFT IT A FUCKING WRECK TRAGIQUE

 **france eyes** : IM SO HAPPY!!!

 **james** : ME TOO!!

 **frances** : SAME!!!

\---

 **little lion** : !!! I'm so happy!!!

 **more like HUNKules** : me too!!!

 **little lion** : aH!!!!

 **little lion** : !!! come kiss me !!! also !!!

 **more like HUNKules** : !!! omw !!! I just had to help james with his bags!!!  
  
**little lion** : !! take your time !! 

\---

 **laf** : overview of this fucking beach trip

 **laf** : we got tattoos, hercules got his ears pierced, found Out hercules has glasses, is from ireland, and speaks french, got visited by our in-laws, alex proposed to thomas and james, we got a whole other new child, planned the time frame to move at, our son is promised to theodosia burr, we convinced him to get a job and the four of us had sex on the beach!! what a wild time

 **little lion** : !! I love you so much !! let's go to bed

 **laf** : !! right behind you my love!!

**Author's Note:**

> I know that james' situation is a very rare instance of a very common or at least more common than it should be Issue, but I am Projecting so let me have this
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af


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